dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
