oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
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