I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
