Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
