My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Randomize
