you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
