hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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