How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
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