It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
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