Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
