Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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