she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
