I swear she didn't look like that last week.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
