If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
