Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
