i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Randomize
