Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
