In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
