his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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