Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
