I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Randomize