I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
