There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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