Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
