his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
