all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Dignity is for republicans.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
