I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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