i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
