i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
