Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
