do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
We are all done wearing pants today
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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