Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize