I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
