some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
