mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
