I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
im on a boat
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