I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize