We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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