There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
