I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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