I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
