So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Randomize
