fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
