last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
