Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
