just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize