We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
