i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
