Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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