Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
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