OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
