Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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