hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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