a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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