I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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