Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
