Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Randomize