There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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