He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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