if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
