So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Randomize