i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
