maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
