I hope mine doesn't look like that
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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