I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
