The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Randomize
