He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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