i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize