No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
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