Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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