i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
