Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
