walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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