I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
