i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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