HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize