You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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