If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Randomize
