She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
