Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
