Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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