are you still at the devil's house?
He is an equal opportunity slut.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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