Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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