Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
