what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
so much tequila, so little girl.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize
