She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize