C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
He? As in you personified your dick?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Randomize
