you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
