You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
