if i can run in heels then i can drive
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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