CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
