Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
