remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Randomize
