I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
MIDGETS
????
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
