I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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