alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
So vagazzling was a success
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize
