U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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