Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
im six kinds of drunk right now
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
