Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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