I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
