do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
